I Was Glowing Like a Girl Who Had Properly Got Plowed, or…. MY BEST FIRST DATE EVER!

I want to share with you my best first date story EVER! As a sexy, (I’m trying to own it) single woman over fifty, this date didn’t end with white picket fences, a Golden Retriever puppy and happily ever after. Hell, there wasn’t even a second date. The reason it was my best first date ever was it gave me an important answer to the question I frequently asked at my mirror, “how the fuck did I get here, and more importantly, who can I blame”?

It changed, in part, how I felt about myself, my age and the silent struggles adhered to the stigma of being a woman over fifty. Or in other words, it reflected a new mature stage in my female existence.

As a woman who came of age in the '80s, I nostalgically pined for the days when copious amounts of alcohol in smokey bars decided my man future.

Thus, I was not immediately lured into this modern online dating thing. Nope, this was not for me, I thought with heavy conviction laced with middle-aged judgement.

Life LessonsChristina FordOctober 18, 2021Dating app, online dating, Hinge, Field Of Dreams, Jerry Mcguire, Renee Zellweger

Important Lessons You Can Only Learn From Travelling Solo

It’s been said, once you get past a certain age, and for me, that was fifty, life becomes a little same:same. I had been chugging away at my career for eons, entrenched in a predictable relationship, and booked the same annual holidays spots with the kids in the name of “easy”.

An inevitable boredom seeped in that I just accepted as “age appropriate.”

Truth was, I had stopped growing. I had stopped learning about me…about life… about everything.

But it wasn’t until after a colossal, unpredictable breakup that something extraordinary happened. Not unlike Dorothy’s cyclone, my house, my life…my entire world was lifted up and dropped down hard. I was catapulted out of my comfortable, predictable life and jettisoned into a new, unexplored world.

I was suddenly single…again.

The Painful, Valuable Lessons I Learned From Being A Victim Of A Crime

I am not a paranoid person by nature. I don’t think everyone is out to get me. I don’t cross the road when I see a gaggle of young men in hoodies and baggy jeans walking towards me. And I don’t stroll with my keys laced between my fingers as I walk through a parking lot.

I am an aware, smart, keen observer of life, or so I believed.

After a fun night of singing and dancing away to Sister Sledge at the Soho House and still humming We Are Family, I arrive back at my flat around midnight to discover I had been burgled. A sick, thick feeling rose from the pit of my stomach that buckled my knees and sucked the oxygen from my lungs. My clothes were scattered across the room, jewellery boxes emptied and lying broken, and drawers were open and overturned.

I stood there breathlessly in this twilight moment, the numb space between reality and disbelief. I had been robbed.

Life LessonsChristina FordSeptember 10, 2021Burglary, Crime, lesssons, 999, 911, Insurance, Find My Phone

15 Awesome Perks and Benefits to Living Alone

Most of my life, I have been living with someone. Of course, it started with my parents and sisters. Those were the days with more rules than freedom, and blood was often shed, and fistfuls of hair torn from their roots when I'd find my sister wearing my new jean jacket she swore up and down she never took. Then I moved out and got roommates, and that too came with a whole set of compromises, general lack of personal space and questionable hygiene standards, i.e.) A clogged shower drain with hair clearly a different colour than my own. Then I got married…and had kids…and well, not only was I never alone, I was completely surrounded.

In the last couple of years, I have been blissfully living on my own. My kids are launched, no live-in boyfriend leaving the toilet seat up, the used teabag in the sink or the untimely discovery of an empty toilet roll, and I have to say it is unparalleled rapture.

Life Lessons, Things I LoveChristina FordJuly 9, 2021Single, Single Ladies, perks

A BROAD IN LONDON'S 20 LIFE HACKS FOR THE SINGLE GIRL

So you tell me single ladies, has this happened to you?

You are getting ready for a night out, you slip into that sensational, sexy tight dress, the one you know is going to slay, and you realize, that the last six inches of that back zipper is impossible for you to do up by yourself. I mean, not a chance. Perhaps this is the real reason women do yoga, to develop the contortion like flexibility in ones’ shoulders to enable you to do this task yourself. Sorry, but do designers think I have a ladies-maid dressing me? I am not Lady Mary Crawley.

Life Lessons, Things to DoChristina FordMay 7, 2021Life Hacks, Single Ladies, baby powder, coke

Mad Magazine’S Genius Zodiac Summary…It Ain't No Bull.

That’s A Lot Of Bull….A Brilliant Mad Magazine Zodiac Summary.

If you’re of a certain vintage and grew up in North America, if I said Alfred E. Neuman immediately that redhead, gapped tooth cover-boy should instantly spring to mind. The face that looks a lot like David Letterman in cartoon form smiling at us from the covers of Mad Magazine.

Mad Magazine was a fixture of my childhood. A satirical humorous slam deep into the hub of the 20th century cultural landscape.

So you might be asking yourself, so what does the Zodiac and Mad Magazine have to do with each other? Well, I’ll tell you. It is where I first read the most dead accurate horoscope profile EVER. It so resonated with me that decades later I could find myself reciting by heart lines from its brilliant astrological summary. I mean who could forget…

“Sagittarius you will find will say whatever’s on his mind.”

That literally could describe every Sagittarius I have ever known...and dated.

So I thought I would dig up Mad’s Zodiac and see what you think. I dare you to contradict the brilliant, accurate summary of each and every Zodiac sign.

WHAT YOU CAN SAY AT DINNER...THAT YOU CAN ALSO SAY DURING SEX

So, yup, it has come to this. Sex!

And it doesn't hurt having my favourite Canadian family, The Roses from Schitt’s Creek, joining me from their diner.

With the word “sex” prominently featured in my headline, I believe I have secured your attention, at least for the moment. The real question will be, if this word “sex” lures more of you into reading this than the word “bacon”? My last blog about that fabulous fatty breakfast meat weirdly was my most opened blog in my blogger history. Seriously, bacon!!!

So, let’s see if more of you are interesting in sex… or bacon?

I was playing this game with a friend of mine that inspired me to write this blog, What You Can Say At A Dinner Party That You Can Also Say During Sex. This I found entertainingly rude, like Cards Against Humanity, funny, and certainly more creative than your average game of charades.

Life Lessons, Things I LoveChristina FordApril 9, 2021Cards Against Humanity, Schitt's Creek, Bacon

13 THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2021

Well, I am just going to go ahead and say it, Good Riddance 2020. Absolutely no one is going to miss you. I recognize that we are only a short time into this new year but I am cautiously optimistic that good things are coming our way. Sure not all of it will be immediate, but soon…and with the promise that 2021 will be greatly improved over its predecessor. I am looking forward to doing stuff, I am looking forward to stuff to look forward to…does that make any sense? What 2020 has taught us that even with the best-laid plans things can go awry, off the rails…and sometimes there is squat one can do about it.

AMERICA, WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO YOU?

America, I don’t understand.

I am a Canadian woman living in Great Britain. I tell you this because I am neither a Republican or Democrat. Nor am I interested in being corralled by my American friends who find the need to identify, sort, convert and brand me to any form of their country’s politics.

I am however a moralistic human being who does not believe that government, church, state, priests, rabbis, teachers or anyone for that matter should tell me who I can love, who I should hate and what I can do with my body. I believe in being kind to strangers, that no lives matter unless black lives matter. That bullies cannot be placated to, equal rights for all, you know…all the basic stuff they taught us in kindergarten.

As a Canadian, I grew up idolizing you America. An incredible superpower country that leads by shining example. Whose gold standards created benchmarks for literature, cinema, science, democracy and medicine which led and inspired the world to do better. I looked up to you much like a little kid idolizing an older brother or sister. Cooler, bigger, stronger, smarter, more popular and always…always made me feel safe. But America you now terrify me

The Man Catalogue. What A Man's Online Dating Photo Says Instantly About The Guy

There are three great tellers of truth, Children, yoga pants, and a man’s online dating photo.

So let us discuss the later, those murky often funky waters of online dating.

This of course told thru the filter of someone old enough to nostalgically and fondly remember when my sole decision-making of a potential partner would all but be decided by a drunken fuelled evening in a bar called Brandy’s.

I guess you can call me kinda old fashioned in that regard. Back in an era of jam-packed bars and nightclubs (remember those?) with bodies pressed so close you could smell the battle between his warm, Barcardi infused breath on your neck and his Jovan Musk For Men that he clearly bathed in earlier. A cute smile and one too many tequila slammers and that was it. The next thing you know you are picking out china patterns and arguing why his friend Snake under no circumstances will be sitting at the same table as your friend Bunny at the reception. Personally I think it is obvious.

Life LessonsChristina FordSeptember 24, 2020man catalogue, online dating, yoga pants, Brandy's, The jock, the addict, the bad boy, narcissist, bar rat

My 14 DAY Quarantine. It Was Like I Was Trapped In A Bad Episode Of Black Mirror

I recently returned to Toronto from the UK to spend the sweet, hot months of summer in my Motherland. The most cherished time of the year that all Canadians live for, have valiantly earned, yet still, actively bitch about. It is why we endure the harsh brutal cold of winter, excavating our cars from under a heavy slab of snow like some archeological dig. Running our white numb fingertips under hot water to regain the use of our hands. We more than any other people have earned every minute of every day that the sun is beating down on our pale white Canadian skins.

So when I had to spend 14 days in quarantine in the height of summer I found it way harder and more like a psychological experiment. Like I was trapped in a bad episode of Black Mirror.

To All You Fabulous Single Moms, This Is For You

It is said that there is no harder job in the world than parenting, and I couldn’t agree more.

My daughters, when they were forced out of my body they had clutched in their tiny fists, half of my heart in one hand, and half my brain in the other. You bring them home shocked that the hospital actually let you leave with them cause you know NOTHING about looking after a baby, raising children, or how to prevent that eventual teenager from doing all the stupid shit you did.

Yet there you are, flying totally blind with what only can be described as the world’s worst roommate.

The World In The Time Of Coronavirus. The Quiet Eerie Beauty of Empty Streets

It is not often the world is so quiet. One could easily mistake the peace for calm if one did not know better. Every corner of every city is silent, sleeping, waiting to awake from an uneasy, long sleep. As the world waits to emerge from the Coronavirus pandemic that has hit over 185 different countries I thought I would share you with some of the most outstanding photographs from around the globe, and what it looks like when the world holds its breath… and waits.

Interesting Things To Do While Forced To Stay Inside During The Coronavirus

There is a Chinese curse that says, “may you live in interesting times”.

Well, I think that we can all agree that these are pretty damn interesting times. The worldwide pandemic Covid-19 is forcing many of us to stay indoors or practice social distancing. But not all is at a complete loss. If you are strong and healthy there are ways you could make the best of this imposed upon new found time.

I compiled a list to help us all stay a little saner as we’re hunkering down at home.

Interesting Things To Do While Forced To Stay Inside During The Coronavirus

Grievances, Pet Peeves and Rants of a 50 Something, Menopausal Women

I have written about things that made me elated and happy, music that caused my heart to dance out of my chest and little things that sparked joy. So I thought it was time that I turn this on its ear and rattle on about the things that really..and I mean REALLY piss me off.

I call it, a good old-fashioned, “don’t get me started” rant.

Life LessonsChristina FordNovember 19, 2019Pet Peeves, Rant, menopause, soul mate, twin flame, The Donald, Russel Crowe, The Oscars

The Magic Light of Friends

There is nothing really new about what I am writing about today. So if you want to click away and get back to playing Candy Crush I totally get it. But what I have to say is hopefully a wonderful reminder how great life can be and sometimes don’t we all need a little reminder?

Friends ~ They are our hand-picked, personally chosen by us family members.

From that very first day in kindergarten when I joyfully skipped home after school and said to my mother with a gleaming, elated face, “I have made a friend” to this moment right now, I have never lost sight how incredibly necessary and wonderful friendships can be.

Life LessonsChristina FordNovember 5, 2019Sia, Diplo, Labrinth, Stranger Things, The Upside Down, Haagan Dazs, Oprah

A BROAD IN LONDON'S ESSENTIAL TRAVEL TIPS FOR WOMEN TRAVELLING SOLO

He (or in this case she) who is outside their door has the hardiest part of the journey behind them. Dutch Proverb

According to a recent study women travelling alone are currently making the biggest changes to the global tourism industry. With a 131% increase over the last two years of women spreading their travel wings and flying solo.

And I can tell you why…

Travelling alone gives you a perfect time to reflect and really learn something about yourself.

You do what you want, when you want and what interests you. You gain a much needed appreciation and perspective on life, something no on else can give you. By climbing out of your comfort zone, by travelling alone it is truly where I have experienced the most amazing personal growth.

I’ve been spending some vacation time with my grownup-ish children this summer. As I’ve been watching them interact with others of their youthful tribe in their exuberant self-centred adolescent bubble it has had me feel…well…nostalgic.

I was a kid of the 70’s and although not a perfect decade….IT WAS PERFECT in its simplicity to be a kid.

Tiny Moments Of Delight ~ It's The Little Things That Spark Joy

My Oprah A-Ha Moment

A short time ago, after a punishing morning workout on the Wheel Of Pain (spin) as part of my personal reward program I wandered into my local neighbourhood bakery (guilt free-ish) to get myself my usual… a café latte and a fresh baked blueberry muffin. I had earned it. That particular morning something unexpected happened. As I let the sweet warm scent of baking bread, rising yeast, cinnamon, vanilla and sugar enveloped me I instantly was transported into a joyous moment of pure, unquestionable happiness. I inhaled deeply as if to hold in the delicious moment of total bliss for as long as I could. Bakery air I thought. Something as simple as bakery air made me happy. I had been in that bakery before, in fact many times but I had not really paid attention, I’d just grabbed my muffin or warm baguette and leave. But that day for some reason…I was aware…I paid attention and was present…and it in the words of Marie Kondo (look her up)….it sparked joy.

The Modern Women's Guide For How To Get Over A Break-Up FAST!

Like Neil Sedaka sang, breaking up is hard to do. Now I know that not all breakups are created equal. There is the amicable “it’s not you it’s me” to the “I curse you and your entire bloodline” but the principles are the same to getting past it and moving on. But even if you knew your conscience uncoupling was inventible, a ticking time bomb it can still hurt like a son of a bitch. It can cause the strongest of us to lose ourselves in a vat of Ben & Jerry’s with vodka chasers all the whilst singing All By Myself into a brush handle. Now in my humble opinion that’s a totally acceptable solution for the short term but trust me sooner than later you will actually need to wash your hair, leave your flat, and get your ass into the land of the living. So what is the fastest way to do that?

A-BROAD IN LONDON

A Survival Guide To Life, Travel & Being Sensationally Single

As a woman who came of age in the '80s, I nostalgically pined for the days when copious amounts of alcohol in smokey bars decided my man future.

An inevitable boredom seeped in that I just accepted as “age appropriate.”

I am an aware, smart, keen observer of life, or so I believed.

I stood there breathlessly in this twilight moment, the numb space between reality and disbelief. I had been robbed.

So you tell me single ladies, has this happened to you?

“Sagittarius you will find will say whatever’s on his mind.”

So, yup, it has come to this. Sex!

America, I don’t understand.

There are three great tellers of truth, Children, yoga pants, and a man’s online dating photo.

This of course told thru the filter of someone old enough to nostalgically and fondly remember when my sole decision-making of a potential partner would all but be decided by a drunken fuelled evening in a bar called Brandy’s.

It is said that there is no harder job in the world than parenting, and I couldn’t agree more.

Yet there you are, flying totally blind with what only can be described as the world’s worst roommate.

I have written about things that made me elated and happy, music that caused my heart to dance out of my chest and little things that sparked joy. So I thought it was time that I turn this on its ear and rattle on about the things that really..and I mean REALLY piss me off.

I call it, a good old-fashioned, “don’t get me started” rant.

Friends ~ They are our hand-picked, personally chosen by us family members.

He (or in this case she) who is outside their door has the hardiest part of the journey behind them. Dutch Proverb

Travelling alone gives you a perfect time to reflect and really learn something about yourself.

I was a kid of the 70’s and although not a perfect decade….IT WAS PERFECT in its simplicity to be a kid.

My Oprah A-Ha Moment

A-BROAD IN LONDON

A Survival Guide To Life, Travel & Being Sensationally Single

As a woman who came of age in the '80s, I nostalgically pined for the days when copious amounts of alcohol in smokey bars decided my man future.

An inevitable boredom seeped in that I just accepted as “age appropriate.”

I am an aware, smart, keen observer of life, or so I believed.

I stood there breathlessly in this twilight moment, the numb space between reality and disbelief. I had been robbed.

So you tell me single ladies, has this happened to you?

“Sagittarius you will find will say whatever’s on his mind.”

So, yup, it has come to this. Sex!

America, I don’t understand.

There are three great tellers of truth, Children, yoga pants, and a man’s online dating photo.

This of course told thru the filter of someone old enough to nostalgically and fondly remember when my sole decision-making of a potential partner would all but be decided by a drunken fuelled evening in a bar called Brandy’s.

It is said that there is no harder job in the world than parenting, and I couldn’t agree more.

Yet there you are, flying totally blind with what only can be described as the world’s worst roommate.

There is a Chinese curse that says, “may you live in interesting times”.

I compiled a list to help us all stay a little saner as we’re hunkering down at home.

Interesting Things To Do While Forced To Stay Inside During The Coronavirus

I have written about things that made me elated and happy, music that caused my heart to dance out of my chest and little things that sparked joy. So I thought it was time that I turn this on its ear and rattle on about the things that really..and I mean REALLY piss me off.

I call it, a good old-fashioned, “don’t get me started” rant.

Friends ~ They are our hand-picked, personally chosen by us family members.

He (or in this case she) who is outside their door has the hardiest part of the journey behind them. Dutch Proverb

Travelling alone gives you a perfect time to reflect and really learn something about yourself.

I was a kid of the 70’s and although not a perfect decade….IT WAS PERFECT in its simplicity to be a kid.

My Oprah A-Ha Moment

A Broad in London